You’ve been seeing a client for therapy, perhaps thinking everything was going well enough, and suddenly receive a voicemail, email, or text message shutting it down: “Please cancel our future sessions, I’ve decided to find a different therapist.”
This feels like a rejection (because it is), and it’s common to give in to that feeling by asking for something. “Would you be willing to meet with me one more time?”
There are plenty of legitimate reasons to want to meet with your client one last time. You care about them. You feel a sense of responsibility for their welfare. You’re worried they may not be safe. You’d like to help them find the type of help they’re looking for.
But the truth is, most of the time you’re not sure what went wrong, and it’s bothering you.
At this point, the client has already decided they do not want to work with you, and they’ve done the difficult thing of reaching out to inform you of this. So you’re pressuring them to do the exact thing they do not want to do, for no apparent reason other than wanting them to do it.
Sometimes you might include more reasons:
- “Can we meet for one last session, to wrap things up?”
- “I’d like for us to meet one more time, for a proper goodbye.”
- “How about just one more appointment, so we can talk about what you’ve been feeling in sessions?”
None of these offer the client anything. The client came to you because they wanted something, and they’re leaving because they feel like they’re not getting it.
If you want the client to meet with you again, you’re going to have to make it worth their while. Tell them what’s in it for them.
For example:
We’ve been working together for a while now, and it’s important for us to review your progress and challenges going forward to make sure you get the most out of the therapy you’ve had. Let’s meet two more times to consolidate your gains in therapy and make sure we understand what’s making it feel like time to move on.
It could almost go without saying that this is the kind of thing you say only if you mean it. If you’ve only seen someone a few times, it might just be better to say:
Sure, I understand. Are you open to a quick phone call so I can understand more about your experience with me? If I can, I’ll try to offer some helpful suggestions for what comes next.
What if they say yes?
If the client actually does agree to meet with you again, fulfill your promise. Make it useful. How?
Clarify the working alliance. Summarize the reasons they told you they wanted your help, the specific method you thought would help them, and exactly why and how you thought it would help.
Elicit interpersonal feedback. Ask them about their experience of meeting with you. It’s very important to come at this with genuine curiosity — this is not for you, as some self-improvement exercise. This is to help them understand how they experience different elements of therapeutic interaction, and how they do or don’t communicate about their needs. Ideally you’ll be able to help them figure out how to get help from others more effectively.
Hypothesize about what will be most helpful going forward. Be candid about where you think you may have failed, things you may not have noticed, or blank spots where you’re still having trouble understanding what they need. Make this a consultation on how to find a path to healing.
If, at the end of this discussion, you think you can help them, then it’s okay to make that clear. But also make it clear that you support their decision no matter what, and your only motive is to help them find the help they’re looking for.
If you say that and really mean it, you may find that your curiosity, understanding, and respect for their autonomy have given them very good reasons to consider continuing to work with you.