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<channel>
	<title>David Godot</title>
	<atom:link href="http://davidgodot.com/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://davidgodot.com</link>
	<description>Psy.D. Clinical Psychology Student in Chicago, IL</description>
	<pubDate>Sat, 25 Oct 2008 18:12:43 +0000</pubDate>
	<generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3</generator>
	<language>en</language>
			<item>
		<title>Amazon, Ebay, &#038; RSS Wordpress Plugin</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/amazon-ebay-rss-wordpress-plugin/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/amazon-ebay-rss-wordpress-plugin/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Sep 2008 04:25:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Web Development]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=122</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Here&#8217;s a simple wordpress plugin that I adapted from another wordpress plugin that was adapted from another wordpress plugin   
It&#8217;s called Ezlite and it allows you to quickly insert Ebay RSS feeds, Amazon product tag RSS feeds, or any other type of plain RSS feed directly into your wordpress posts or pages.
The way [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Here&#8217;s a simple wordpress plugin that I adapted from another wordpress plugin that was adapted from another wordpress plugin  <img src='http://davidgodot.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif' alt=':D' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>It&#8217;s called Ezlite and it allows you to quickly insert Ebay RSS feeds, Amazon product tag RSS feeds, or any other type of plain RSS feed directly into your wordpress posts or pages.</p>
<p>The way it works is simple. You simply insert the following tags into your post wherever you want for them to display.</p>
<h3>To insert an Ebay RSS feed into your wordpress post</h3>
<p>[ebay]ebay search string (with,all,features) -working -ithink;#;campaignid[/ebay]</p>
<p>The search string is simply whatever string you would type into the ebay search box in order to come up with the results that you want to show in your wordpress post. The &#8220;#&#8221; is the number of results that you want, and the &#8220;campaignid&#8221; is whatever ebay campaign you want to use.</p>
<h3>To insert an Amazon RSS feed into your wordpress post</h3>
<p>[amazon]amazon tag;#;affiliate-id[/amazon]</p>
<p>The amazon tag is whatever product tag you want to pull the RSS feed for. Unfortunately, Amazon does not currently offer RSS feeds for searches the way Ebay does, so you have to make do with the feeds for their products tags. This can be a pain for some niches that haven&#8217;t been tagged very well, but for some niches it works out. Again the &#8220;#&#8221; is simply the number of RSS items you want to have show up in your wordpress post, and the &#8220;affiliate-id&#8221; is your Amazon affiliate ID. Confusing, I know.</p>
<h3>To insert an RSS feed into your wordpress post</h3>
<p>[rss]http://mydomain.com/myfeedlocation/;#[/rss]</p>
<p>This will simply pull the contents of any feed into your wordpress post at the time that the post is loaded. Note that there is no built-in caching or anything like that, so be careful where you&#8217;re getting your RSS feed when it comes to using this plugin on high-traffic sites. Amazon &#038; Ebay have no problem getting their RSS feeds pulled a few thousand times a minute, but your average blog owner is not likely to feel the same way, especially if wordpress is generating a fresh RSS feed for you on every pageload.</p>
<h3>Download the plugin</h3>
<p>You can download the plugin here: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/ezlite.zip" title="ezlite.zip" rel="nofollow">ezlite.zip</a></p>
<p>If you like this plugin and make money with it, please consider throwing a couple of links at some of my websites like <a href="http://davidgodot.com">davidgodot.com</a>, <a href="http://waytogogodot.com">waytogogodot.com</a>, or <a href="http://allsci.org">allsci.org</a>.</p>
<p>Thanks, best luck, and enjoy!</p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/amazon-ebay-rss-wordpress-plugin/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Hypno-oncology Interventions</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/hypno-oncology/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/hypno-oncology/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Dec 2007 06:59:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=80</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ABSTRACT: Clinical hypnotherapy has been soundly established as an effective treatment for the symptoms associated with cancer and its associated therapies, including chronic and acute pain, nausea and vomiting, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, and mood disturbances. Its use produces strong tendencies toward improvement of patients’ quality of life and of treatment cost. As the etiology and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>ABSTRACT: Clinical hypnotherapy has been soundly established as an effective treatment for the symptoms associated with cancer and its associated therapies, including chronic and acute pain, nausea and vomiting, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, and mood disturbances. Its use produces strong tendencies toward improvement of patients’ quality of life and of treatment cost. As the etiology and progression of various forms of cancer become better understood, the potential of hypnotherapy for increasing survival rates by improving medication response and even slowing or reversing the progression of the disease increases. Given the lack of risks to patients and the wide potential for benefit, additional research and clinical experimentation into this area are encouraged, and recommendations for this type of hypno-oncological exploration are discussed. An experimental hypnotherapy script which attempts to reverse the course of the disease while addressing multiple symptoms is included as Appendix I.</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/hypno-oncology.pdf">Hypno-Oncological Interventions, Understandings, and Potentials.</a></p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/hypno-oncology/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
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		<item>
		<title>Mental Health Parity Policy Analysis</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/mental-health-parity-policy-analysis/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/mental-health-parity-policy-analysis/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Dec 2007 08:07:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=86</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INTRODUCTION: According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) 2002 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), more than five million individuals meeting criteria for serious mental illness “perceived themselves as having an unmet need for treatment in the year prior to the survey” (Bender, 2003). Of these, almost half cited [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>INTRODUCTION: According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) 2002 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), more than five million individuals meeting criteria for serious mental illness “perceived themselves as having an unmet need for treatment in the year prior to the survey” (Bender, 2003). Of these, almost half cited inability to afford treatment as the primary reason for their needs not being met. This means that mentally ill individuals who want appropriate treatment but are unable to afford it constitute more than one percent of the entire adult population of the United States, a condition which represents a public health crisis and should be addressed.</p>
<p>There are a number of ways in which this issue can be conceptualized and corresponding actions which can be taken. One way in which legislators and advocacy groups have attempted to remedy the problem is through the proposal and institution of “parity” measures for mental health service coverage as it applies to American workers and other insurance consumers. Mental health parity, as an ideal, would make mental health and substance abuse services available to consumers on a level equal to the availability of general medical and surgical services. This can be accomplished either by forcing employers to add the additional benefits onto their group insurance plans, or by forcing insurance companies to include equal mental health coverage as a standard part of all health plans that they offer. The purpose of this analysis is to examine the arguments for and against mental health parity as well as the implications of the available alternatives.</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/parity.pdf">Mental Health Parity: A Brief Policy Analysis</a></p>
]]></content:encoded>
			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/mental-health-parity-policy-analysis/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Meth Use &#038; AIDS in The Gay Community</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/methamphetamine-aids-gay-community/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/methamphetamine-aids-gay-community/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Jun 2007 06:05:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=84</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INTRODUCTION: The prevalence of methamphetamine use among men who have sex with men (MSM) ranges from 10-30% in major US cities, and presents a serious public health issue (Shoptaw &#038; Reback, 2006). While the use of methamphetamine is by no means limited to the gay community, its use represents an important part of that community’s [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>INTRODUCTION: The prevalence of methamphetamine use among men who have sex with men (MSM) ranges from 10-30% in major US cities, and presents a serious public health issue (Shoptaw &#038; Reback, 2006). While the use of methamphetamine is by no means limited to the gay community, its use represents an important part of that community’s response to the undue psychosocial pressure that its members face. As the reader will see, an understanding of the psychological purposes of methamphetamine use can be understood by examining the social role that it plays among the particular high-risk gay subcultures in which its use has become ingrained. The literature in this area almost uniformly includes MSM as a whole rather than only gay-identified individuals, although it is clear that many of the psychological issues involved in this epidemic are tied to gay identity and the effects of gay stereotypes. This paper will explore the ways in which socially responsible practitioners, by adopting a teleological understanding of methamphetamine use among MSM, can plan and implement highly cost-effective strategies for addressing this important social issue.</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/dgodot-capstone.pdf">Methamphetamine Use and High-Risk Sexual Behavior Among Men Who Have Sex With Men: A Review of the Literature and Plan for Intervention</a></p>
]]></content:encoded>
			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/methamphetamine-aids-gay-community/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Medical Model of Psychology</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/medical-model-of-psychology/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/medical-model-of-psychology/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 07 Aug 2005 21:04:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=96</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INTRODUCTION: The “medical model” that currently guides the majority of psychological research, assessment, and treatment is a deeply entrenched historical, social, and political phenomenon (Maddux, Snyder, &#038; Lopez, 2004; Laungani, 2002) which has no empirical support whatsoever (Wampold, 2001). This article will outline some of the problems that the widespread acceptance of the medical model [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>INTRODUCTION: The “medical model” that currently guides the majority of psychological research, assessment, and treatment is a deeply entrenched historical, social, and political phenomenon (Maddux, Snyder, &#038; Lopez, 2004; Laungani, 2002) which has no empirical support whatsoever (Wampold, 2001). This article will outline some of the problems that the widespread acceptance of the medical model poses for the field of psychology. </p>
<p>Wampold, Ahn, &#038; Coleman (2001) list five components of the medical model of psychotherapy: to begin with, the patient presents with symptoms of a classifiable disorder or disease; from the existing research and accepted materials, a psychological explanation for the disorder is available; the knowledge of this specific disorder and the theoretical conceptualization of such are sufficient that a potential mechanism for psychological change can be identified; having identified these properties, the therapist logically derives  a set of specific psychotherapeutic ingredients and administers them to the patient; these specific ingredients are responsible for the benefits of the psychotherapy thus administered. “The last component,” Wampold, et al. (2001) explain, “which is often referred to as specificity, is critical to the medical model of psychotherapy and gives primacy to the specific ingredients rather than common or contextual factors.” This is particularly significant in that no research has yet to provide any empirical backing for this principle of specificity in psychotherapeutic interventions, whereas a growing body of research is being accumulated in support of alternative, contextual models of psychotherapy (Wampold, 2001).</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/medical-model.pdf">The Medical Model of Psychology: Problems and Solutions.</a></p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>There are demons at the window</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/there-are-demons-at-the-window/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/there-are-demons-at-the-window/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 07 Aug 2005 04:16:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Creative Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=48</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[great aimless ones
who can become
disillusioned on sidewalks,
who can read footsteps aloud
in spurts of music,
who bring dreams like bread and wine. 
At night I stay in
and beat against my windows with brooms,
crouching alone inside,
waiting for angels of pestilence.

I have a very thin skin,
and it is not a toy,
and I choke on it.
There are demons at the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>great aimless ones<br />
who can become<br />
disillusioned on sidewalks,<br />
who can read footsteps aloud<br />
in spurts of music,<br />
who bring dreams like bread and wine. </p>
<p>At night I stay in<br />
and beat against my windows with brooms,<br />
crouching alone inside,<br />
waiting for angels of pestilence.<br />
<span id="more-48"></span><br />
I have a very thin skin,<br />
and it is not a toy,<br />
and I choke on it.</p>
<p>There are demons at the window,<br />
angels, too,<br />
and rags tied to leafless branches<br />
and hideous crawling things;<br />
I want to tear open the shutters<br />
but am paralyzed and weeping.</p>
<p>Last night I acted in a play<br />
in which I was myself and mother and father&mdash;<br />
it&#8217;s always like this,<br />
I argue with myself asleep and on streetcorners<br />
like the working homeless,<br />
like the dead parade.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/there-are-demons-at-the-window/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
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		<item>
		<title>And the reality Between the motion</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/and-the-reality-between-the-motion/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/and-the-reality-between-the-motion/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:26:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Creative Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=52</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I can’t sleep tonight
because the bad moon ever.
Because the far dream.
I can’t make a hat
that can hold the lot of us;
it’s hot in here and loud
and cold crystal out in space&#8212;
I can’t drift out here,
can’t sleep tonight.

Not with my constellation
of old bones scratching.
Not with all this information hanging off
my chinny chin chin.
Because the wrecks.
Because the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I can’t sleep tonight<br />
because the bad moon ever.</p>
<p>Because the far dream.</p>
<p>I can’t make a hat<br />
that can hold the lot of us;<br />
it’s hot in here and loud<br />
and cold crystal out in space&mdash;<br />
I can’t drift out here,<br />
can’t sleep tonight.<br />
<span id="more-52"></span><br />
Not with my constellation<br />
of old bones scratching.</p>
<p>Not with all this information hanging off<br />
my chinny chin chin.</p>
<p>Because the wrecks.</p>
<p>Because the silence.</p>
<p>Because the hope and strain.</p>
<p>I can’t make music<br />
up here on the surface.</p>
<p>Not in the craters.</p>
<p>I can’t sleep tonight<br />
because the raucous in the basement.</p>
<p>Because the stretched motives.</p>
<p>Because the abaissement de niveau mental.</p>
<p>Because the far far dream.</p>
<p>I can’t make a footstep in the wrong direction<br />
in doughy spacetime tonight,<br />
only fill up with air<br />
and rattle my pan for jewelry&mdash;<br />
I can’t lose the surface tension</p>
<p>I fall to bits</p>
<p>Because the bread is poison</p>
<p>Not as if anything</p>
<p>Not bad moon forever</p>
<p>I can’t tell you<br />
there’s too much to listen<br />
you’d never</p>
<p>I can’t go limp<br />
because gravity and humble<br />
rockdwelling</p>
<p>I love you music hope strain</p>
<p>The right direction has got to be<br />
the only direction</p>
<p>Gravity has got to be for me</p>
<p>Has got to be</p>
]]></content:encoded>
			<wfw:commentRss>http://davidgodot.com/and-the-reality-between-the-motion/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
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		<item>
		<title>Repressed Memory Phenomena</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/repressed-memory-phenomena/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/repressed-memory-phenomena/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 07 Jul 2005 22:56:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=92</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INTRODUCTION: The issue of repressed memory is surprisingly heated, and comes loaded with the weight of several fundamentally different conceptions of the human mind. The real issue, hidden away in the word “repressed,” is whether a memory once repressed can be unleashed, or “recovered.” Thus we find ourselves in the awkward scientific predicament of having, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>INTRODUCTION: The issue of repressed memory is surprisingly heated, and comes loaded with the weight of several fundamentally different conceptions of the human mind. The real issue, hidden away in the word “repressed,” is whether a memory once repressed can be unleashed, or “recovered.” Thus we find ourselves in the awkward scientific predicament of having, for each paper published presenting evidence of repressed and recovered memories, at least a few papers published expressly to disclaim it. This article will attempt to make some sense of the available literature, drawing in alternative paradigms in addition to empirical studies.</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/recovered-memory.pdf">Recovered Reality: A Review of the Literature on Recovered Memory Phenomenon.</a></p>
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		<item>
		<title>The Social Psychology of Accepted Truth</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/social-psychology-of-truth/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/social-psychology-of-truth/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Jul 2005 21:59:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Academic Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=94</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INTRODUCTION: Everybody “knows” what happened in Jonestown, Guyana in 1978. At the behest of their charismatic leader, all the members of the Peoples Temple religious cult—the residents of Jonestown—“lined up in a pavilion in front of a vat containing a mixture of Kool-Aid and cyanide” and  “drank willingly of the deadly solution” (Aronson, Wilson, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>INTRODUCTION: Everybody “knows” what happened in Jonestown, Guyana in 1978. At the behest of their charismatic leader, all the members of the Peoples Temple religious cult—the residents of Jonestown—“lined up in a pavilion in front of a vat containing a mixture of Kool-Aid and cyanide” and  “drank willingly of the deadly solution” (Aronson, Wilson, &#038; Akert, 2005, pp.4-5). That citation is taken from a popular Social Psychology textbook, and is a resounding demonstration of the phenomenon that this paper will attempt to explore: you see, the authors of that textbook are so secure in their conception of the events surrounding the deaths in Jonestown that they feel no need to provide a reference for it. It is entered into the student consciousness as common knowledge. The fact that the popularly-accepted truth that Aronson, et al are parroting in this example is plainly false is almost beside the point, although this paper will provide a brief examination of some of the evidence which contradicts that accepted truth. The problem is much broader than the debunking of a single myth, and demands that some very important and difficult questions receive systematic evaluation: how is it that entire populations “know” things that contradict all available evidence, and what can be done to mediate this effect?</p>
<p>PDF: <a href="http://davidgodot.com/pdf/jonestown.pdf">Jonestown: The Social Psychology of Official Stories and Accepted Truths.</a></p>
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		<item>
		<title>I Seem To Be A Verb</title>
		<link>http://davidgodot.com/i-seem-to-be-a-verb/</link>
		<comments>http://davidgodot.com/i-seem-to-be-a-verb/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 06 Aug 2004 04:19:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David Godot</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Creative Writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://davidgodot.com/?p=50</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I started in the swelter downtown, finding a perch on the stairs by the college and smoking cheap Columbian cigarettes in big hot gulps. Miami in the dog days is humid like the sky is leaning in on you, and everyone is foreign to everyone else. You watch them: a group of Cuban girls wearing [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I started in the swelter downtown, finding a perch on the stairs by the college and smoking cheap Columbian cigarettes in big hot gulps. Miami in the dog days is humid like the sky is leaning in on you, and everyone is foreign to everyone else. You watch them: a group of Cuban girls wearing brightly-colored nothing, swinging their hips as they go by; a red, sun-burnt beggar, claims he&#8217;s from Alaska, waiting for his sister to wire him some funds and any little bit would help in the meantime, really; an old man in soot-dusted purple robe, his whole hair a single defiant dreadlock, shuffling around corners waving his hands to the sides in rhythm with his curses and invocations. Somehow foreign isn’t ever foreign enough: you know these people, every one. Their weirdness is mere weirdness, is familiar. Mystery is what we crave, what we go out looking for, what we spend our lives waiting for. Even when we&#8217;ve given up, the habit of it is what causes us to rise each morning.<br />
<span id="more-50"></span><br />
Time changes when you’re waiting for someone in a crowded place&mdash;breaks off into little glaring pieces. A few old Jewish women in wigs and long dresses are crouching up the steps up into a bus, with plastic bags full of fabric in their hands. The time changes and I’m a sense of myself, a wisp of pollen off the edge of a sun in full bloom. Waiting on the edge of space in a cloud of carbon monoxide, I’m a sensation of an idea of myself: me waiting for an unknown and unknowable not-me. Paranoia: the mind beside itself. Everywhere are fictions, verbs in the past tense swimming passively over brainwaves.</p>
<p>Waiting like this, you forget what you’re waiting for and start watching too deeply. A young mother bouncing her baby along brick sidewalk in its stroller, black smudges holding it in; a white kid goes by in polo shirt, nervously rubbing two of his fingers together in every step. You feel guilty, like a child watching its parent through the crack in the bathroom door at eight o’clock in the morning&mdash;everyone going on and you staying still. Everyone is out bustling, and here I am in the meantime merely waiting, playing the proud whale who has beached himself and is afraid.</p>
<p>In one of these extended moments, I saw her, and I followed. She was a little black skirt and a little white top wrapped around an Amazon rail of a twenty-something, deep brown skin stretched tall over square shoulders, narrow. She walked from the hip and I followed, trying to catch the scent of her thousand tight little pigtails and never catching it. Around the building and into the parking garage, up the elevator, and I followed. There was nothing really remarkable about her, and I followed anyway. This is the way things change. This is the way everything changes.</p>
<p>We were both parked on the fifth floor. Making our way down, two cars separated me from her little white Toyota, then three. Through a red light here or there and a couple of turns and I’m right behind her, the both of us through the whitewashed, picture-windowed design district and into Little Haiti. The area is suburban but crowded, people always standing in groups by the street, cooking on barbecue grills, waiting vaguely for poverty to end everywhere at once. The scene is quiet but menacing.</p>
<p>She pulls into a shady spot beneath a tree and I follow her lead, parking on the street a few spaces away from her with a car in between. I spend an extra long time playing with the meter, watching her little square breasts press out against her shirt as she chatters away with a bearded old man. They&#8217;re speaking the strange pseudo-French, Haitian Creole, vibrations rolling out of their mouths and dropping dead on the street. They both look over at me and I pretend to ignore them, making a trip around the car, ducking into the floorboards hunting for change. Everything is always changing, and nothing ever does.</p>
<p>Finally, over the meter, I watch her and the old man cross the street and fall in between a large round wooden double-door. For a moment I stand across the street, confused. Mystery is an increase in friction: any little breeze might completely sweep you away, might hijack your whole existence.</p>
<p>The enormous round doors are attached to the front of a big white box, with relief sculptures on either side: big red clay faces wearing horns, each one set in behind bars with its mouth pulled wide in a grimace, serpentine tongue extended. To each door is affixed a massive iron ring for a handle. With sweat rolling off my fingers in heavy drops, I reach out for one, and take hold of the thing.</p>
<p>For a moment it’s hot, then weightless. Blackness passes and the colors march by in regiment, losing their order like marbles rolling out from a kaleidoscope and into an ocean. Waves can only speak mathematics, the smooth run of surface through surface: can never tell you where you are or what. Eternity is an ocean that doesn’t care.</p>
<p>Time changes when you’re guilty and alone. In some clear morning, a rooster is crying, his eyes gouged out and hung from stars. The time changes and there is warmth and coldness, ice in the priestess’ mouth through rivers of hot white blood. <em>Loa</em>&mdash;Mystery&mdash;is the black mother in fifty robes speaking around ages’ orbits in marvel of sheer bended space. A razor falling off its own liquid edge, I am a sense of senselessness, a lost divine temple set out in the span of seconds. The whole room is illuminated around a central pillar, and I feel myself chanting on hard feet. <em>Poteau-mitan</em>, it’s called, and it is the liberty of trance at the center of the room, myself and the motions locked in dance. It is the point of communication between myself and other; I have memory of entire lifetimes spent in conversation.</p>
<p>My legs are older but stronger than before, loosing their sweat to the hem of my gown as I move. But there’s more that I can’t speak or think or dance. <em>La langue n&#8217;est jamais exacte.</em> It’s always two steps removed, always flowing out of some someone else’s mouth at exactly the time it feels it should be coming from your own. <em>Demain aujourd&#8217;hui hier</em>, the fiction of any of us, anywhere. We are shifting around together, trading skins, and nothing changes because it already has. <em>Je tuerai ce soir. Je ne peux pas m&#8217;aider. J&#8217;ai tué aujourd&#8217;hui.</em></p>
<p><em>Matris, operor vos aspicio ut ego amor vos?</em></p>
<p>The mystery of mysteries, my ordinary girl, is dancing with me about the <em>poteau-mitan</em>. To each other we are spirits. I stop to watch her body heave above our little altar, her naked back flexing. She brings to me the book, enormous, swaying in her walk like a great dancing jungle cat. She is the mother of us all, the magic of dark places; she hoists the book up to her chest and passes it along to me with a kiss that is warm and wet and frightening.</p>
<p>The book is gigantic beneath my gray beard, written in a language no one has ever spoken, and which only I pronounce: there is wildness there&mdash;time changes into something that never was; I and she like king and queen are everywhere; my old hands scoop the pollen from the sun&#8217;s soft center; my tits are the hard milk of the African plains; my <em>met tet</em> is the <em>gros bon ange</em> of inextricable universe, the fabric of an old woman’s projections, the child lost to stained hampers in the endless heat.</p>
<p>Perched between the parchment pages is a dove, white, like the ones outside. I can feel the strain building in my biceps for a moment before I begin to see it happen, and am utterly possessed: the book closes, hard, and the animal is crushed, lost in blood and spirit. The mystery is unreadable; the lines have run together. I am Ahab, slaughtering myself from inside my own enormous belly. The time changes and I was a verb, and now I am only a fiction.</p>
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